Doctor Who rewritten – Matilda Wormwood as the Doctor’s companion

Doctor: So, little Matilda, tell me about yourself. Likes, dislikes, martial status, how many licks it takes you to get to the center of a tootsie pop, hobbies, talents, favorite breed of cat –
Matilda: Well, I do have a unique talent.
Doctor: Which is?
Matilda: It’s pretty unbelievable…
Doctor: Unbelievable?! Unbelievable’s not a word! It’s just something adults say so that you’ll stay out trouble. And do I look like someone who minds trouble?
Matilda: I guess not.
Doctor: That’s right. Trouble’s practically one of my 213 middle names. So go on, what’s your special talent?
Matilda: I can move things…with my mind.
Doctor: Ah, so you’re tele…tela…telo…you’re a mindy-move-y person!
Matilda: Telekinetic?
Doctor: That’s the word! And what if I told you that I have an incredible talent of my own?
Matilda: I don’t know. Tell me.
Doctor: I can travel…through Time.
Matilda: No way!
Doctor: Yes way!
Matilda: Holy cow!
Doctor: What? Where? I didn’t think cattle were still worshiped anywhere in this century.
Matilda: It’s just an expression.
Doctor: Oh. Then tell you what, Magnificent mind-moving Matilda – let’s go into my very special box, and I’ll take you to see a holy cow right now. Or a purple cow. Or a blue cow. Even a watermelon-scented cow. Or not a cow at all. I see you love books. How about you name an author, anyone who has ever or will ever live – except Stephanie Meyer, she’s not too keen on me ever since I corrected her vision of vampires – and I’ll take you to meet them? And in return, you’ll show me how to levitate stuff. This head of mine has always wanted a flying fez. Or maybe a rotating stetson. Perhaps a leaping sombrero.